


Tender Love and Calhoun

by DesertDraggon



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Self-Hatred, Sleepy Cuddles, Slightly Alien!Gordon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertDraggon/pseuds/DesertDraggon
Summary: With some space for reprieve, Barney gives Gordon what he needs most. A damn bath.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 7
Kudos: 206





	Tender Love and Calhoun

"I'm just happy you two made it through-" Barney paused in his touring Gordon through the resistance’s new hideout. It was miles away from City 17, and Gordon was relieved to see how robust the security was. It was safe here. They were going to be safe here... right?

Lingering fear still plagued Gordon. He was still here and that meant there was more work to be done. He made a deal after all. He hadn't been taken yet and his skin was itching and his body was aching and his legs couldn't stand still for too long or he felt them ache his work couldn't be done it just-

"Hey- Gordy? Earth to Gordy?" The other man's voice snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts… Gordon almost couldn't focus on Barney for a second, his form blurred. The physicist rubbed his eyes- wait. Where are his glasses?

"I getcha, you're exhausted. Don't worry though, this is the 'Gordon Freeman Welcome Home' package from yours truly." The cornyness of the statement made Gordon snort, a grin cracking through his nerves. "Besides, we're at our first stop."

Barney opened the ordinary wooden door to reveal-

*A bathroom?* 

"Gordon, we all are so very happy to see you, but the fact is… you reek." He made a point to hold his nose. "Head on in. I'll help you out of the HEV if you want."

Gordon shuffled in, awkwardly staring at the dirty tiles on the floor for a moment before turning his head to Barney. 

*Please?* 

"Not a prob, Doc." Barney stepped in, closing the door behind them. With how small the room was, Gordon was thankful he was the only one still dressed for war. Barney was already a large man, but he was significantly smaller without his full City Security dress. Gordon also felt a tad jealous of how comfortable he looked in a moth eaten t-shirt and some jeans. Where'd he even get those? 

It took some time and effort for the suit to even begin it’s actual removal. By now, dirt and various other substances had clogged a lot of the latches that kept the various metal armor plates secure. Barney seemed to come prepared though... butter knife in hand, he chipped away at the grime until finally they could remove the chest piece. It dropped to the floor with a resounding clang and a literal weight off Gordon’s shoulders. One part down, six to go. 

His arms took longer, the latches absolutely encrusted. At least Gordon could help with these, wiping away the gunk as Barney chipped at it. The thigh pieces proved easier somehow, despite Gordon’s constant wading through toxic cesspools. They just needed to pry open the latch covers and release the latches, but the act of having Barney kneeling before him, hands on his thighs and his handsome face practically smooshed against his junk for the proper leverage to pry the inner thigh latches open, made Gordon flush. Especially when the man gently held his hips afterwards, pushing Gordon down to sit on the toilet cover, giving his thigh a little pat.

"Almost done." he said warmly. 

*Thank you…* the hand that he signed with shook, and he quickly set it back down. Barney took notice though, laying his own hand overtop it with a soothing smile. 

"We'll get you some recovery time. Don't worry." And he went right back to the armor. It was almost too tender for Gordon to handle. He hadn't… hadn't really had time to feel anything since Black Mesa. Since… all those lives he couldn't save. He felt nothing but lost. Nothing but self hatred for being unable to save just one single fucking person’s life. He gave up. His heart couldn't handle it anymore so he let his brain take over. So many people. So, so many people. They haunted him despite shoving his thoughts to the back of his mind, but now in the quiet. The solitude. Now that he got time to breath… now he was feeling something so very human and real and normal…

Barney saw the tears drop onto Gordon's hands, and raised his head. Gordon didn’t see him. His pretty green eyes stared down, glazed over. He wasn’t seeing anything right now. The former guard frowned, wishing he had something to say. Anything to say. Anything to take those tears and all the pain that was causing them away. 

But he didn't.

He just went back to Gordon's boots, numbly pulling the armor off and tossing it into the dull orange pile they had made with the rest of the damn suit. All that was left for him to do was unzip the actual boots, carefully pulling each one off and setting them aside. God, Gordon's feet looked abhorrent, and he still had socks on! The white had turned a yellowish grey with brown and red stains from what he knew was most likely a few infected wounds.

He took a moment before standing up, his knees popping and his groan finally had Gordon snapping out of his sorrowful daze and glancing up at the man, a fear in his eyes that something was wrong. 

“I’ll leave you to the bodysuit. Figure you could use some privacy but…” he paused, mulling over his words. “I’ll be right outside if you need me. You look like a gust of wind would kill ya, I ain’t leaving you entirely alone, if that’s alright?”

Gordon simply nodded, thanking him again, his hand still shook. His whole body shook as he stood, moving to unzip the body suit. Barney tore his gaze away and took his leave. 

When Barney closed the door to the bathroom and slid down the peeling wall beside it, he nearly started crying himself. 

It wasn’t fair to Barney, Gordon thought to himself as he sloughed the tech suit off his body. It wasn’t fair to place his grief on him. To place his needs. He deserved as much of a break as Gordon did, if not more for dealing with this for twenty long years. Twenty years. Everything was so damn screwed up, wasn’t it? There wasn’t an aspect of his life after the Resonance Cascade that bore anything but rotten fruit. 

With a heavy sigh, Gordon pulled his sweat stained clothes off, tossing them in the pile of clothing he’d rather burn than look at again. Sorry Kleiner… that suit may have been a marvel but Gordon can only look at it and feel fear and contempt. If he took the time to study himself in what was left of the broken mirror, he’d find how horribly blotched his skin had become, covered in bruises varied in color. Greens and blues blossoming under the layer of sandy brown skin… it would be poetic if it wasn’t so painful. 

His ribs twinged as he stepped into the bathtub, the lip being just high enough he had to lift his legs up a fairly good deal to step in. Cautiously he turned on the faucet, feeling the water as it came rushing out. It was freezing at first, but it started actually warming up. He relaxed, pleased he wouldn’t have to take an icey shower, at least. 

Once the shower was switched on, he felt the warmth flow over him. His muscles responded kindly at first. Finally getting some time to let go of the constant tension Gordon had held for months now. He didn’t realize what was wrong until his knees collapsed beneath him, sending him plummeting to the bottom of the tub. His hands slipped along the wall, knocking over bottles and a bar of soap. The sound echoed horribly in the small tiled room, ringing in Gordon’s ears and sending him spiraling into a panic as he slipped to try and recover from the fall. 

The door burst open, and Gordon felt so much fucking fear in that brief moment before he could focus harder on the slightly blurred shape of whoever was barging in, before recognizing Barney. 

“Gordon! Holy shit, are you ok?” his voice wavered as he rushed over to Gordon’s trembling crouched figure. Gordon flat out burst into tears, letting Barney slip an arm around him and clasp his other hand to his own to lift him up. His legs shook terribly and Barney knew he wasn’t going to move for much longer. 

“Ok, I’m gonna set you down here.” He spoke softly, sitting Gordon down on the thick edge of the tub. “And I’m going to go grab something for you to sit on… will you be ok while I leave for a moment?” 

Gordon didn’t respond for a moment, trying hard to tether himself to Barney’s touch, let himself be grounded by his presence. After a moment of just breathing together, Gordon nodded, letting go of his vice grip on Barney’s hand. 

“Ok… I’ll be right back. And- and I won’t leave afterwards, that sound good?” Another nod from the physicist was all Barney needed to powerwalk from the bathroom and grab the closest and most comfortable looking waterproof object he could find. He found a crate with a smooth bottom almost immediately, snatching it up and dumping anything in it out before racing back to Gordon’s side. 

The man startled slightly as Barney slid into the room, but visibly relaxed at the sight of his companion. Barney lay the crate upside down at one end of the tub, patting it for Gordon to sit down on. “There we go. That should uh, make things a lil easier.” 

He shut the door before helping Gordon onto the makeshift stool. 

*Thank you-* 

“Eh none of that, Gordy. You’ve thanked me enough. Just relax, ok?” Barney brushed it off, not wanting Gordon to feel like he was a burden. Without a second thought, the resistance leader grabbed a washcloth and reached down into the tub for the fallen bar of soap. Gordon seemed to protest, his hands moving to argue against Barney’s assistance, but the man ignored it. Instead, he stepped over Gordon, sitting on the ledge of the tub behind him. 

The physicist attempted to scoot forwards to give Barney space, clearly embarrassed. Barney didn’t care, he just continued lathering the washcloth in plain smelling soap, and beginning to scrub down Gordon’s abused back. 

They were quiet, just the sound of the shower water hitting the bottom of the tub. It was a dull droning tone that helped ease them both into comfortable routine. Barney was gentle not to irritate any of Gordon’s bruises and cuts. He swore one of these bruises had to have been a bullet wound… maybe this one too. It was strange, how Gordon had changed since he had come back. No- since he rescued their family from the Citadel… 

He remembered that Gordon used to heal fairly slow, but had a high pain tolerance. Back in Black Mesa, he remembered first meeting the man and fighting alongside him. It seemed he was hopped up on a steady stream of morphine from the HEV suit, taking hits in stride. He hadn’t seemed to change when he came back either… still looking like he hadn’t aged a single day. How old was he anyways? But after the Citadel, both he and Alyx seemed to have changed. 

Gordon had the brunt of the changes it seemed. It was the first time he caught the crackling blue in his eyes. Something alien and powerful. It had sent shivers up Barney’s spine he recalled as he slid the washcloth down Gordon’s own spine. The man leaned into the motion. Blue crackled under the surface. 

It was gone before Barney could realize, could analyse it and bring it up. He shook his head and moved on to Gordon’s shoulders, wiping the grime away. 

*I know, you don’t want me to say it-* Gordon began, *But I appreciate the help… and I’m sorry for-*

“Don’t be sorry- I don’t… I mean. I’m doing this because I want to, Gordon.” Barney explained after cutting off the apology. “You deserve it, after everything you did, what you’re doing for us. For me.” His voice wavered slightly at the end. 

*I don’t feel like I deserve it. It was all my fault. I messed up the experiment.*

“From what I’ve heard, you barely had a hand in it.” Barney retaliated. “And I know you deserve it. You need some TLC, and I’m more than happy to give it.” 

*T-L-C?* Gordon signed, confused. 

“Tender love and care! Part of my ‘Welcome home’ package.” he laughed in response, leaning forwards to rinse the washcloth of soap. He was worried the closeness would make Gordon inch away, but he seemed content in having Barney pressed against his back. 

*Why do you care about me so much, Barney?* the question made Barney pause, and his stomach drop. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

*I don’t.... Why should you?* he turned the question right back around. 

Barney shook his head. “You… Gordon you’re my god damn hero.” Gordon looked back at him with a tired confusion. “Hold on. Listen. Gordon, you saved my fucking life.” he was breathless as he confessed, his throat tight. “Without you I wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t have had the strength to keep going, to keep everyone together, safe. I wouldn’t have been able to watch Alyx grow up. I wouldn’t have- You’re literally the only reason I’m still here, Gordon.” He felt his eyes well up, but knew he couldn’t bother wiping the tears away with his wet hands. 

*Barney…*

The man leaned forwards, wrapping Gordon in a hug. “Watching you tear yourself apart, thinking you’re not worth any rest, any care… Gordon don’t slap me in the face like that. You’re a hero. You’re the best of us.” 

Gordon shifted, and Barney let go with a sinking guilt. Instead of running away like he thought Gordon was going to do, he turned around on shaky legs, sitting right back down and crashing face first into Barney’s chest, his arms wrapping around him as his shoulders shook with his own sobs. Barney let out a shuddering breath and curled around Gordon.

They stayed in that embrace until the water started to run cold, making it fairly uncomfortable to stay in the tub. Reluctantly they parted, and Barney gave Gordon a quick once over with the washcloth just to make sure he got fully cleansed before turning the water off. 

Grabbing a ratty, stained towel (he swore it was clean, scrubbed it by hand himself), Barney helped Gordon dry off. When he pulled the towel away after drying his hair, he snorted at how Gordon’s hair stuck up in a dozen directions. Gordon gave a flat glare as he reached for the clean clothes Barney had left aside for him. 

They were just as comfy as he imagined they were. No- they were even more comfortable. A pair of old sweatpants and a soft long sleeved shirt. It was simple, but it felt like heaven to be in something normal, something that didn’t literally inject him with drugs or blood or whatever else needed to be administered. He was sure his body looked like that of an addict (Well… he was sure he was at this point. The buzz at the lack of morphine his body felt had hinted strongly at that.) and he was glad for the choice in clothes to prevent any awkward questions. 

Barney let Gordon lean on him as he had dressed, and now held him up as he opened the door. Before Gordon could take a step outside though, Barney had begun lifting him up. Gordon found himself wrapping his arms around Barney’s shoulders in panic as he was coddled into a bridal style carry. Barney let out a laugh, his grin contagious and working wonders to calm Gordon’s nerves. 

“C’mon. We’re going to have a little detour to the last stop on our list. We can hit up the others later.” Gordon just snorted and let himself be carried out of the bathroom and down the halls of what had to have been an old inn. They had gone up a flight of stairs, and around a corner before they came across a fairly well furnished bedroom. It was nothing like a modern room used to be, but it had a bed that didn’t look like it was half rotted away, and a dresser with all of the drawers fully intact! A bedside table had an electric lantern, a mug, and… so that’s where his glasses went! 

“I’d have taken you to the kitchen first, but I’ve got a feeling you need to rest for a while first.” Barney explained as he set Gordon down on the bed, making sure he was comfortably sitting upright before pulling away. The physicist gave him a sheepish smile and nodded, moving to sign ‘thank you’ before stopping and shaking his head. 

Barney smiled back, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess I’ll let you have some peace and quiet. I’ll let everyone know you’re resting so they won’t barge in on you-” as he was walking away he felt a grip on his wrist. He turned to find Gordon reaching out for him, making him look his way. 

*Please stay? If you don’t have something important to be doing, at least.* his hands shook, nervous. He looked anywhere but Barney, focusing on his knees instead. *I just… want you with me.*

Barney’s heart did a flip at that, his lips suddenly dry as he repeated the translation in his head over and over. ‘I want you with me.’ 

“Yeah! I mean, No! I don’t have anything important to be doing right now, well, not that taking care of you isn’t important or- ok I’m just gonna shut up and take a nap with you.” the stumble made Gordon burst out laughing, his green eyes finally seeming to have some spark of life to them. It made Barney’s stomach flutter. 

He skirted the bed, lifting the sheets on the opposite side to slide right in (thank goodness he took his boots off before the bath) next to Gordon. His clothes were slightly damp, but he couldn’t bother feeling off about it as Gordon slid under the covers beside him. Gordon also didn’t seem to mind, as he scooted himself closer to wrap his arms around Barney’s waist and tuck himself under his chin. Barney was breathless, and couldn’t help but hollar in joy internally. 

It wasn’t long before he felt the steady breath from Gordon turn into light snores.

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I finished HL2 the whole thing with the Supercharged Gravgun just made my brain go 'oh shit Gordon's been zappied and totally has powers now' so, I've been refusing to play the following games without the Mega Gravgun (much to the game's chagrin, seeing as it did not account for anyone having one through the whole story and has so many glitches with it LMAO) but also I like to think he's got the gun's abilities, in a way, or at least a connection to it now. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope you like my first fic for this. HLVRAI doesn't count haha


End file.
